PERSPECTIVE

So I joined back a chat site something I didn’t expect myself to ever do again seeing as how my life has evolved outside of a computer and I have you guys. And their perspetives and opinions were relieving and pretty good. I ended up there because I needed perspectives and I needed it fast, I was up late at night, well last night and it’s after four in the morning. I’m terrified , I can’t sleep, I feel angry, I feel like dying because I took a job and I didn’t think I could handle and I didn’t know what to do, i’m having a full scale panic attack. I  wanted to travel the world so what does this jackass do ??? She signs up for work and travel ??? Where you might ask ??? A CAMP FOR KIDS and as what ? A CAMP COUNSELLOR. Now anybody that fucking knows me, the few well the two people who…..wait, okay I who knows me know that I don’t  like kids, kids make me nervous, people make me nervous. I’m not fun or exciting or know any games. I have no kid control, they walk all over me. I am an introvert, extremely, painfully shy, they designed the word off my ass. I don’t know what to do. Because sooner or later a bunch of people are gong to be disappointed in me, probably hate me, want to send me back home with my incompetent ass and then i’m going to have to be a stripper and pick up dollar bills because I didn’t get a summer job to pay some of my tuition and I end up old, dreamless, tattooed, with ten kids and drunk, always high and mad. Why? Because I suck. And my mom and dad are going to be homeless because the child they thought would become something great only became great at the strip club. I want to travel the world, I want to have friends and people who like me, I want to have an open mind but I also have reality staring me in the face and I can’t turn back now. How do I lead people and I’ve always followed. What did I get myself into? Experience and change scares the shit out of me. My mom is so happy she’s packing and shit and I haven’t told my dad yet cause let’s just say he’s Mr. Excitement. Why couldn’t I keep my ass quiet, why couldn’t I be the girl who never experiences anything. Life either disappoints me or when it gives me something it gives me a heart attack, bad experiences and heartaches too and the rare time love and good people and I pray this is one of those rare times. I gotta go i’m cooking curry chicken and my entire house smells like curry. My curry is good, spicy but good. I’m going to delete the chat site profile now that I have bared my soul. But that guy with the dimple is so cute. I mean he is gorgeous, probably fake and a thirst trap but he is so cute and if he is real I could lose the one chance to have somebody that looks like a movie star but then he might be boring too so ehhh, I like convos and personality which he could also have if I stayed. But it’s addictive after awhile you know? You talk to people and it’s fun and meet people from all over but before you know it you start having a main friend and it’s all you do, talk to people on this site and the world starts passing you by, when someone asks who are your friends you can’t say AriaSweetiexxx and Chadbombshell, life passes you by. And you see other people who’s been there for years and got sucked into an imaginary world and they don’t even see it. And mostly there are guys who go there for sex chat and sometimes girls too. But you get why chat sites aren’t much for me, I went there when my life was bad and I didn’t want to be a part of the world much.So I go tomorrow to collect my travel documents with my heart in my hand hoping everything comes true, that’s the hopeful half of me and the doubtful half hopes they turn me back. And that’s why I can’t sleep at nights because if I don’t get the job what will I do ? I haven’t gotten any callbacks from other jobs  and I’m just tired…I’m going to sleep now because my bones ache and my eyes burn from computer glare.Give your perspective to the worried, terrified girl.

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