GETTING WHAT YOU WANT COMES WITH A PRICE

I’m going to be travelling in a couple of days, leaving the country travelling. Funny how life works out. I’ts like the world heard me and replied and the irony of it all is that I am scared, worried and frantic. I’m not the easiest, liveliest or best personality in the world and that’s what scares me. People scare me. I know but if you converse with people regularly and feel like you’re always the problem you start believing it and then you realise it might be true. I’m not a good person and maybe that’s why I don’t have any much friends and people don’t gravitate to me the way the planets gravitate towards the sun. I also got a job to do while I’m there, babysit. I don’t like children, they’re honest, they also make me worry and fret. And I get annoyed easily but I lied said I loved children. I have no children control, I’m not fun with children, with kids I’m a walk over. Not authoritative or a leader in any sense everything that I’ve done in my life I’ve followed, nobody listens to me and so I wrote a blog. That is my weakness.What did I get myself into.I just don’t get too close to people or children, I don’t hug much and I have a personal body zone. You can’t sit too close to me or touch me even if your just brushing shoulders, I like space, breathing space for error because if it goes wrong, always prepare for the worse. I don’t have close friends, good friends are few.  I’ve always wanted that best friend everybody has, the one who you can tell and do everything with, dreams nothing more. Because if people don’t like you, children don’t like you, family don’t like you, you don’t like you and even your parents sometime the only thing in common is you no matter how nice you are. I’ve always been different in the way I think and act.  And it makes you tired, so tired. You’re happy you’ve met people and friends and they disappear and your alone again.  So yes I worry because somewhere out there is a bunch of people who are going to end up hating me not to me mention I never get anything right. And that’s my curse. I kill every thing I touch;relationships.Stupid girl.

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