You ever sit somewhere or maybe lying in your bed after one in the morning and you just start laughing. Like crazy person full on laugh. Your heart is racing and you just can’t help laughing. Because you have just had self realization. These kind of things only happen on television to people like Olivia Pope. But it’s pretty common. You think of all the stupid stuff you thought was important and how petty they were. How they kept you from achieving all your goals and how if given a couple more years before self realization kicked in you’d probably be crying instead of laughing and looking for a rope.
- I used to think having a ton of friends would make me likeable, popular and feel superior. It woudn’t make me lonely.
- Having a guy was life’s ultimate goal because everybody has a guy and I’ve never had one so something must be wrong with me why I couldn’t bag the right one. Is their a right one? He had to be tall like in the Disney movies you know, handsome, smart and breathtaking. Don’t forget the handsome lol. Petty. And if I couldn’t get that I didn’t want anything else. He just had to be handsome. Twilight or more handsome.Even if that meant joining a chat site and going through guys who just wanted sex and ended up talking to a Pakistani guy for two years I think who in the end admitted he was married and had two kids, an online girlfriend and that it was his thing. That he was freaky and he liked it.
- Goals are stupid. Life achievements hinder you from living life. Yet there are thousands of people who have achieved tremendous things in life and managed to achieved their life goals. Like Spongebob. Immature I know. Unrealistic I guess. But you get the point he got to make Krabby Pattys and loved it while terrorising the town especially squidward and chasing jellyfish.
- I have to upload a bomb facebook and instagram picture. This would secure my social standing. If my pictures were fire then I would have tons of friends and guys and I would be popular. They would see me as the most beautiful or one of the most beautiful girls in our age group or ever.
- Discussing people’s business made you feel good because other people are suffering and going through way more than you. It makes you feel even better judging them. Because that makes you the judge. They the defendant and every one else the jury. It also made you feel like you were in the loop. And its fun crushing out other people’s happiness. If I couldn’t be happy, I was glad they weren’t. It made a light in a dark place and it felt good. Was I desperate.
- Vanity helped a lot of people. So why not you. So determined to be her because if you were her your life would be ‘perfect’. It would make all you dreams come true. You could be loved. You could be beautiful. You could be seen. You could be wanted for once in your life. If you were beautiful enough they would hand life to you on a diamond platter.
- Be shy and conservative. Guys like shy and conservative. The girl in the class with top grades is shy and conservative. They all want to be with her because she’s beautiful, hard to catch and is smart with an attitude. Every guy wants her and she wants none. Be that girl. It makes them curious. Loud is an easy girl. Shy is a hard girl to get. Be someone else if you want to be somebody.
8. Seclude yourself from the world, hide as best as you can. Nobody likes you and every time they see you they over judge and are laughing at you and have something bad to say. They do not get disappointed at what you are and you do not have to realize this disappointment as they come to terms with it. Therefore seeing that you are lack lustre.
9. Overthinking. You have to be perfect. What you say or do. You do not make mistakes. They have to like you. They have to think you have a fun personality. They cannot keep saying you are boring. Be perfect. Be like her. Your mother taught you to be perfect and that mistakes should not and cannot be made and are only understandable if she does understand. But they are mistakes in itself and will never be forgiven or forgotten and will be brought up at every social gathering. Every single time you fail or you set out to achieve something. Because that one failure defined you. You were not my dear ‘Perfect’.
10. Give people what they want.If you let them walk over you they will like and embrace you like other members of your group or community. You will meet people who will think your the kindest or nicest and you will be liked. Even if it means not getting your cab change or let an old wrinkly guy rest his hand on you leg.
11. If you think of achieving goals you won’t have to achieve them. They already happened in your imagination and you have achieved it. All the thrill is gone. Believe you are smarter than every one else because you are ‘special’.
12. Last but not least. Live your life in movies and books. Block out the world. Take on the hero’s personality or try to be them for a day. Be Gaia in Fearless. Be strong , independent and in control. Act like your tough and phrase everything she says and how she behaves. That means walking up and down school halls acting like an idiot in tantrum. Be Clark Kent, the girl from Hunger Games, Being Mary Jane, Olivia Pope. If you save the world you’d be a hero and you’d be just like them. Daydream about them constantly putting yourself in there shoes. Think of nothing else and blank out for large periods and chunks of time. Miss two hour to three hour classes and at home. Living in another world.
And this is why I deserve some wine and popcorn. It’s so funny. But it’s okay. It’s okay to talk about everything , it all and just laugh. It doesn’t bother me anymore. Looking at it from here. I wonder what was I on. Lol. Puberty? Does this make me an adult or a self aware girl transitioning into womanhood. I feel like I woke up after all this time. I don’t even type, literally type like a five year old anymore . And you guys should know. I’m getting better and before you know it i’ll be at my best.
Goodnight lol. What a night.