You wake up every morning to the tooting of horns and the sound of tires crushing stones and the terror hits you like a knockout from a boxer.You have to get up and get dressed , face the world.This is what you wanted wasn’t it ? Life’s a bitch and i’m her dog.And it’s been good and bad.I drink Coco Colas like they are tonic and I suck down any sugar I can.I can now hold my pee for a day and people keep telling me it’s unhealthy , that my bladder is going to tap out any moment.It already has and so I keep sipping cranberry juice and avoid stares from my mother because public bathrooms are unacceptable.
By the time I recount details to my mother in the evenings which makes my life feel somehow lighter and is somewhat therapeutic.I contact my Asian friend who I had met in a chat room because I have no one really to talk to.He tries to get sex chat , asks boring questions and I wait until he tells me he needs to sleep.See he needs me just as much as I need him because like me we have no life and /or friends and so we cling desperately to each other.
Don’t worry i’m not a chat room person , visited one year ago met some people, left .People mostly go to chat rooms to sex chat , boredom, money gain or for a relationship.I went because I was looking for something .I didn’t find it.
I pet my dog and watch him through the window.He’s a beautiful dog , love of my life and one day he’s going to break my heart.He’s already got a ear infection.I think about guys who made a pass at me today and wonder when i’ll find the right one .Or pick one and stop flirting .But I turn them down because they’re just complications and change .Its a fear of mine.I can’t be tied down.I love being free , light , it’s almost like flying just lonely .Am I a player ? maybe.Or you could’ve just taken a small smile too far , assumed it was attraction.
I listen to music , watch a tv series .Feel sad and lonely and brush my teeth.Scroll the internet.I go to bed and can’t fall asleep and I have work tomorrow.I check my mail for that guy from Africa that takes a day to reply ,that thinks were soul mates and randomly tries to ask me for stuff because everyone not living in Africa located within the Western Hemisphere is somehow rich.They just don’t understand.Better currency does not mean better life.You still have to acquire the money like they do, jobs aren’t being handed out and people are more financially cautious .I lie there thinking about life , everything , still not falling asleep , thinking about kisses and wet dreams and i’m just there awake.So tomorrow i’m going to feel like I was near beaten to death, I didn’t buy coffee because I din’t want any comments from the lady cashing at the store about why I shouldn’t be drinking coffee and trying to make small talk with me and as I close my eyes I think
‘Life’s a bitch , and i’m her fucking dog’