So like on the national geographic channel when monkeys mate and give off their high pitched screams .Every year millions of females do too .How ?

1. Get him to notice you . So you start talking at the top of your voice , you try to sound or look cool and if your with a group of friends you try your hardest to be the Beyonce because heaven knows you don’t wanna end up looking like the Michelle of Destiny’s Child in your group.

2.You wear a padded bra bigger than your size or a size smaller than yours because it creates the illusion that you have more breasts than you really do .And not all men like bigger chested women but who are we kidding almost 90 percent do .So by the time they see you have a flat chest hopefully your personality will come through for you or he just keeps remembering what you look like in a padded bra and settles for that .

3. Butt pad  and padded underwear .In the age of Ass and Tits you have to keep up .I f you don’t have an ass that looks like Kim Kardashian or Nicki Minaj or Jlo you’re trying to get it . Because let’s get real a barbie booty doesn’t get you very far up the chain .

4.Weaves , Hair extensions and wigs . You get the hair you’ve always wanted and you think it makes you look fabulous even if a horse is missing its tail hair

, because you’re hair being laid to attract a suitable mate is a number one priority .

5.Make up , because natural beauty doesn’t cut it .You want to look like somebody else who you think is drop dead gorgeous and so many women who are undercover artists do their make up so good not even their mama would recognise them .

6.Fake eyelashes .Gives you beautiful eyes , weighs your eyelids down and make you feel like your in the gym training your eye muscle everything time you close your eyes .

7.G strings . Because it makes you look hot and makes the ass pop , the lesser clothes the better but they are also uncomfortable as hell having a piece of string up your ass especially if the string material is rough .

8. Surgery . You correct what you don’t like , fix the nose , ass , tits , lips, abs .

9.The walk .To do the walk you have to have on the hottest outfit , paired with some to die for heels . You got to make your body so desirable in that one walk .The barely ass and tit shake , the hip swing and the click of the heels .Stretching the legs a bit because you were born to be on the runway and Heidi aint got nothing on you .

10. You look the best you’ve ever looked 24/7 when he’s around .Your nails , cologne , hair , everything be on point .And you use to pick up your mail in a dusty white t shirt and jeans now you’re in the full Michael Kors Spring and Summer collection .

11.Go to gym to get physical perfection in a week .

12. Social Media stalk , a like there , a comment there , a page read everyday just to see what he’s doing , laugh at his post jokes but you never comment more than once or twice on his status for half a year because you don’t want to seem too desperate but you want to seem also approachable . Start posting ass and breast photos, even selfies  with cute captions because instagram thots have taught you well.

13.Eat less in public with him or if he’s in the same vicinity to look cute .

14.Act like your a catch and you have a boyfriend because it makes you more desirable if somebody else wants you .

And men all they have to do is bathe put on a nice cologne and dress nice .

Am I leaving anything out ?




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