JUST HOLD IT IN ,OKAY ?

Have you ever been so tired , your soul feels tired but your body keeps moving and you lie down to rest because everything feels so heavy and you can’t breathe , and it feels like everything has gone quiet and it’s just you inside your head and your heart breaks and you just start crying . You just feel so tired there’s nothing left to do but cry .

Then you realise you have no one it’s just you in this world and you break even more because it’s either something is wrong with you or something is wrong with the world . I start imaging friends , being popular , well known , being funny , being pretty,cute boyfriend  and life isn’t so heavy there .It’s never going to be like that your too awkward and weird .And I wondered what happened to me , that i became so shy and nervous .

And you feel pathetic , feel like your living your life through a looking glass ,watching someone else’s life that you think is yours but isn’t real .

It happens sometimes in a room full of people and you just hold it in , you hold your breath and you try to occupy your mind , and i try not to embarass myself and i just hold it in .

It happened last year at school and i went to the nurse , told her it was flu and that my allergies were acting up .She sent me home , called my mom . She waves to me and i to her whenever i see her .

I fear one day i won’t be able to hold it in and that i’ll break . But i’ve always been strong . Nothing triggers it , you just feel sad , see the world around you and it hits you .

All you want is to taste alcohol , just drown it out ,so it won’t be so hard holding it in .Ever thing comes crashing down around you all at once and your lungs hurt . I don’t even know if i want to go to university .To do a degree and end up doing the same job without a degree .

I just want  everything to be okay .

xoxo

Alexandrialove

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