I don’t care if you don’t reply to my messages , it actually makes me feel relieved .Because i think i have started loving my own company more than others . Things still scare me , like starting University summer and feeling old , what scares me even more is spending four years of my life studying a field that i’m going  to spend about 35 years doing for the rest of my life .It makes me feel like my life is wasted , like its already panned out . Like it isn’t mine .

They tell you when your old you can go on vacations , i don’t want to go on vacations and live when i’m old .What if i don’t live that long ?

But i just don’t care anymore .I have had that attitude for a long time but now its worse .You can say anything to me , i just don’t care . And it feels so good not to care , not to beat yourself up .To forgive and forget .Because honestly some people aren’t worth the time nor energy . I have better things to save my care for and your just not worthy of it .

Somebody told me i have turned into Rihanna , not caring about people just myself .

I know it’s Sunday but if you don’t message me because you all up in your feelings , who the fuck cares , its the last time you message me , because guess who aint replying .Yeah , me bitch .

You may think i’m numbing out the world but to me i’m just not giving a fuck … unless it’s to be given . My mom is all up in her feelings this morning because i can’t go live with my aunt because she’s travelling and blah blah blah .But i’m so happy because maybe, more than likely  she’ll let me get my own place where i can be and do what i want . I know she’s scared but i have to go sometime and experience the world besides i’m tired of her . I need to move on with my life .

So today , maybe tomorrow , maybe for the rest of my life i don’t care how you feel , i dont care about the world , i don’t care that your mad at me , i don’t care .

No i’m not high , just mellow , enjoying life and just being at peace with myself .I have grown .Things i used to be all up in my feelings over and upset they just don’t phase me anymore . I’m more peaceful , more happy , more mature . Some people just need to grow up a bit .I know i did .



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