DAY 24 :WHAT HAPPENED TO ME ?

What happened to me ? I used to be so bold , so confident , say what i want , do what i want , be who i want and fuck everything else . I’ve gotten so shy , so scared that i jump at every fucking sound .I get so shy talkiing to a guy , talking to anybody .What happened to my confidence .

Trying to make jokes to ease the awkward tensions .What the fuck happened to me .

Trying so hard to get people to like you .Not uploading a facebook picture in ages .Acting like a five year old .Being so immature . Instead of going up , i’m going down .

I got so comfortable i didn’t even realise what was going on . That every one else had grown up and i hadn’t .I was still in high school .

Did i get so damaged .Did i live in the cave too long . Did i let them win ?

That every text i write I feel the need to put lol , just because i’m so nervous and trying to lighten the tone .

When am i going to grow up ?

It’s better now or never .

I was talking to a guy today and I realised it .

The conversation got boring but i was trying so hard to hold on to the conversation .What’s wrong with me ?

But wasn’t all my fault the guy was boring too , just saying .

But i now fear people and their criticisms more than I fear a spider .Thinking everyone looked better than i did . Did social media do this to me . Or did i do this to myself with constant self doubts . What happened to me ?

xoxo

Alexandria

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